September 23, 2017

SHINGLES. WHAT THE FUUUUUCK. 

A couple of months after my laparoscopic myomectomy, I started to feel "rashy".  I don't know how else to explain it. I had this really gross cluster of small blisters between my right fingers. I thought it was just eczema at first or maybe some sort of athletes foot fungus on my hand.  I tried ointments but it wasn't helping at all. In fact, it was spreading and really hurting. I was taking IBUProfen like it was my job, but it wasn't really helping.

THE PAIN. Ohhhh the pain. After a week I was really like what the fuck is this!? It hurts sooo bad. It spread up my arm and onto my elbow and up my fingertips. My nerves in my fingers were popping. 

It felt like I had small glass shards swimming up and down my right arm and fingers. 

I couldn't take it anymore. I told my hubby I had to go to Urgent Care. I felt so stupid, it was just a rash....

The doctor took one...

September 9, 2017

Traumatic.

I still cannot believe this happened to us. It is so so hard to write about this, but I know that sharing my story will help break the silence. I am not alone. We are not alone. But I still feel so alone.

Millions of women have miscarriages. No one talks about it. 

I am conflicted.

I am angry. 

I am so beyond devastated.

We lost the pregnancy very early. "At least you know you can get pregnant" "You'll just try again" No one knows how to react or what to say. 

What do you say to someone who lost a piece of themselves. Literally. 

I couldn't talk to ANYONE about it. I still have NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT with anyone but my husband. I have been silently suffering with extreme depression. I feel so ripped apart. I think about it EVERY DAY. We should have a 3 month old now. 

Here I go:

I was at the lunch table at school with my coworkers. I ate a hearty meal and felt fine. I wanted to go to the bathroom bef...

September 2, 2017

Warning: My story is sad

I was instructed to stay in bed for 3 days. I was so cozy and comfortable in our room. I watched a lot of TV and read a lot. On the 3rd day I felt INTENSE cramping. I was moaning and breathing heavily. I thought for sure I was about to get my period. It hurt so bad I had to get the heating pad. I labored through the cramping for a good hour, and then it stopped. I put a pad on and waited for my period to come. It never did. 

I went back to work on Monday and I felt different. Like super zen. Nothing was stressing me out like usual. I didn't care. I felt good. I felt light and tingly. Every day after work I would go home and I just HAD TO sleep. I would nap until my husband came home. I was also SUPER hungry. I needed to eat a snack every couple of hours. (I've been super hungry with all of my meds, but this was just different. More intense.)

I was so glad I was working at the time. I...

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