February 3, 2018

**I am currently pregnant with ONE baby. 

After the 5 week scare, we felt relieved that our babies were still in there.  I can't bring myself to calm down about it, though. I know that a miscarriage can happen at any time. I don't think I'll ever feel at ease with this pregnancy. 

The bleeding continued throughout the whole week after our 5 week scan.  It was enough that I needed a pad, but it wasn't heavy. It wasn't just spotting, either. 

I was so nervous. It was time to see our babies.  The sonographer was excellent.  Right away we could clearly see TWO BEATING HEARTBEATS!  WOW! WOW! WOW!

I've never seen anything like it!  I've never felt this way before.  So extremely happy and giddy!  OUR BABIES ARE OK!  They are SO SO CUTE. Like SUPER CUTE. 

Baby "A" heartbeat was 108.  Baby "B" heartbeat was 128.  

I was concerned about the heartbeat difference, but she said t...

January 27, 2018

 **I am currently 14 weeks with a singleton**

As many of you know, I had a miscarriage last year.  It was devastating and I still think about it every single day.  

I woke up on Monday morning at 4am with blood on the sheets.  I ran to the bathroom and started bawling my eyes out.  This is EXACTLY when and how the previous miscarriage started. I was beside myself.  I woke my husband up and he tried to calm me, but I could see how terrified he was, too.  I emailed my RE right away. She e-mailed me back by 7am and had us in for a scan by 9am. 

The ride to the clinic was mostly silent. I looked like a mess. I didn't even brush my teeth. 

The first thing the sonographer said to me was that it's very hard to see anything at just 5 weeks. I was TINY pregnant.  My heart stopped. I didn't want to look. 

Then there THEY were. TWO sacs! TWO babies! They could clearly see two sacs and t...

January 6, 2018

3rd time's a charm, right? We are hoping for our RAINBOW baby! For those of you who are not familiar with the term, a rainbow baby is a baby that is born after a miscarriage. The rainbow signifies hope around the world for those who have suffered a loss. 

We went in excited, nervous, and terrified on Thursday afternoon.  I tried to stay as calm as possible before going in. 

Our nurse came out and I was SO GLAD it wasn't the same weird woman that we had the last time. We were so happy. She was SO SWEET and SO FUNNY!

There were a few differences this time:

1.) We were led into a different room than the last two times. 

2.) My husband had to wear a huge white paper gown and blue hair net.  This was so much fun and had us laughing so hard!  He was loving it!

3.) I had to wear a gown and hairnet this time. I hate the way I look in it.  

4.) The Valium kicked in super fast and I was calm and giggly.

5.) They...

December 30, 2017

I was so nervous when I arrived at my clinic.  I had to leave my place at 6am to get there by 7am. I ate a PopTart and took 3 Advil to prepare for the scratch. From all that I've read, I heard that it would hurt. My RE warned me that it will be painful, but quick. Boy, was she right!

First, the ultrasound tech did an internal sonogram to check my lining to make sure it was thin after my period. Everything looked good, so the nurse came in to perform the endometrial scratch. She told me that it would be quick but painful.  I was ready. 

She started talking about the success rates of embryos implanting after this procedure. I was asked if they could donate my sample to the hospital for research on women with endometriosis. The only way to diagnose endometriosis officially is by having a Laparoscopic surgery. I had to have a Laparoscopic Myomectomy to remove fibroids, and this is when they discovered the...

December 2, 2017

I've heard this online, but never really looked it up.  The WTF appointment is just what is sounds like: What the fuck happened? Why didn't the transfer work? What did I do wrong? What's next?  We now found ourselves having to schedule it.  Luckily, we didn't have to wait very long, just a few weeks. 

Hubby and I had quite a few discussions on where to go from here.  Do we take a break? Do we try again right away? How will we afford another transfer? What else could they do differently to make this successful? Should we accept being childless? 

We went in feeling lost, heartbroken, and exhausted.  My RE came in and was so sweet. She was shocked that the transfer didn't work.  We tried Lupron, and thought that would do the trick.  All she could tell us was that sometimes, it just doesn't take.  

She had a new plan that sounds hopeful.  She was not pushy, just told us that if and...

November 11, 2017

After being on Lupron for the past month, my RE started me on my new FET protocol right away. I would not have to wait for my period to come and to take birth control this time.  This time we went right into putting the 3 Estrogen patches on (switching out every other day) PLUS the 3 vaginal Estradiol tabs every day. 

I am jacked up on Estrogen. Going from no hormones to TONS OF HORMONES was.....interesting. I felt heightened like I'm on edge all of the time. I get really riled up for no reason. I'm also super hungry and bloated. Nothing new for me! I think I need to get those pregnancy belly bands or something. My pants fit fine before work, and a couple hours later they start getting tighter and tighter. It's so uncomfortable. 

I've been waking up at 4am to take my first dose of the vaginal Estradiol pill, because I found I need to lay for a long time in order for it to all not leak out on me. It's b...

September 30, 2017

I am so so frustrated. Here's what's been happening: 

School was ending and it was the PERFECT time for a FET. Finally after waiting so long after my Laparoscopic Myomectomy, it was time.  I would have no stresses and I could just relax for a few months before going back to work. 

I was put on the birth control pill and they sent me my calendar and protocol. I went in for a saline sonogram to be checked to make sure I was ready to go. The sonographer asked where I was in my menstrual cycle. I told her I was still on the birth control, so I didn't get it yet. I could tell by the look on her face that something was wrong. Fuck. I got into the small consultation room and was met by the nurse. She showed me the calendar and I MISSED the end date of my birth control pill! I WAS SOOOOOO PISSED. I wanted to cry. I can't believe I didn't read it right. I just missed it and read it wrong. FUCK FUCK FUCK. T...

August 19, 2017

We decided to send our frozen embryos out for Pre-Implantation Genetic Screening (PGS) in order to improve our success rates. Boy, was I glad. I didn't know this when we decided to have this done, but I needed the time to recover. There was no way that I could have ever done a fresh IVF transfer anyways, because I was so so sick. (You can read more about that here.)  

We had 9 embryo samples to send to the lab. Ours happened to go through a genetic lab called CombiMatrix. We would have to wait a week or so before finding out the results. I felt super weird about this. If we were to get pregnant naturally, we wouldn't have this option, but I wanted to know. I was scared that they would all have something wrong. It was hard to wait for so long for the results. We just held on to the fact that we had 9 chances right now. 

I received a phone call from the billing department of Comb...

August 12, 2017

Throughout the chaos of my Egg Collection and my HORRENDOUS recovery, we found out how many future babies we had developing into embryos! This made the whole experience worth it. The recovery was awful, but the result was amazing.

First of all, I had no idea what to expect. I feel like I should have done more research on what exactly was happening. My first thought after the collection was "Holy shit, so I could have 28 babies?!" LOL! I was SO wrong. I was so doped up and sick I just couldn't think straight. It's funny to look back at that now!

I got a call from the Embryologist a few days after collection when I was feeling the WORST. She told me that we had a total of 9 BEAUTIFUL EMBRYOS ready to freeze!!!! I didn't realize that DUH, they wouldn't all fertilize. But then I thought, "Holy shit, so we could have 9 babies!?" So crazy! We were so glad that we had so many chances! 
 

I actually felt kind of mad...

August 5, 2017

Warning: My recovery was NOT pretty.

After the egg collection, I was woozy for a bit and I was ready to get home. I got dressed and the nurse wheeled me down to the car. I was told to drink TONS of Gatorade and to eat a lot of protein and salt. They said I shouldn't only drink water because I needed a lot of electrolytes. I thought that sounded so weird. First of all, I HATE GATORADE. I MEAN I HATE IT. I never ever ever ever want to even look at it ever again. I hated it before this whole ordeal, and I have a strong anger towards it after. 

I was starving after the collection, so we went and got chicken and french fries to bring home. 

My husband is the BEST. He had set up our guest bedroom for my recovery room. It was so calming with the twinkle lights up.  He brought me everything I could need within reaching distance. All charging cords, saltines, Gatorade grrrrr, my phone and my iPad. I ate my food...

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