January 6, 2018

3rd time's a charm, right? We are hoping for our RAINBOW baby! For those of you who are not familiar with the term, a rainbow baby is a baby that is born after a miscarriage. The rainbow signifies hope around the world for those who have suffered a loss. 

We went in excited, nervous, and terrified on Thursday afternoon.  I tried to stay as calm as possible before going in. 

Our nurse came out and I was SO GLAD it wasn't the same weird woman that we had the last time. We were so happy. She was SO SWEET and SO FUNNY!

There were a few differences this time:

1.) We were led into a different room than the last two times. 

2.) My husband had to wear a huge white paper gown and blue hair net.  This was so much fun and had us laughing so hard!  He was loving it!

3.) I had to wear a gown and hairnet this time. I hate the way I look in it.  

4.) The Valium kicked in super fast and I was calm and giggly.

5.) They...

December 23, 2017

What an interesting twister of emotions.  We went into our WTF appointment (Where you can read about what our newest protocol is) thinking we probably wouldn't try again for a while, to wanting to try again in the next couple of months.  My RE seemed so positive and uplifting. We are so lucky to have found her.  

The second we left, we talked about if we should tell anyone or not.  The answer was NO. We were not going to tell ANYONE. We want the chance to have a secret pregnancy like every other human who can conceive naturally.  


Well, I received my newest FET protocol a few days ago. It's so so hard. I go between being excited and being terrified.  Doesn't this baby deserve the same amount of excited feelings as our first try? It has so work this time. IT HAS TO!  

So, I received the e-mail on Friday at 2:30pm on October 6th. I opened up the document and the first thing I noticed...

December 2, 2017

I've heard this online, but never really looked it up.  The WTF appointment is just what is sounds like: What the fuck happened? Why didn't the transfer work? What did I do wrong? What's next?  We now found ourselves having to schedule it.  Luckily, we didn't have to wait very long, just a few weeks. 

Hubby and I had quite a few discussions on where to go from here.  Do we take a break? Do we try again right away? How will we afford another transfer? What else could they do differently to make this successful? Should we accept being childless? 

We went in feeling lost, heartbroken, and exhausted.  My RE came in and was so sweet. She was shocked that the transfer didn't work.  We tried Lupron, and thought that would do the trick.  All she could tell us was that sometimes, it just doesn't take.  

She had a new plan that sounds hopeful.  She was not pushy, just told us that if and...

November 11, 2017

After being on Lupron for the past month, my RE started me on my new FET protocol right away. I would not have to wait for my period to come and to take birth control this time.  This time we went right into putting the 3 Estrogen patches on (switching out every other day) PLUS the 3 vaginal Estradiol tabs every day. 

I am jacked up on Estrogen. Going from no hormones to TONS OF HORMONES was.....interesting. I felt heightened like I'm on edge all of the time. I get really riled up for no reason. I'm also super hungry and bloated. Nothing new for me! I think I need to get those pregnancy belly bands or something. My pants fit fine before work, and a couple hours later they start getting tighter and tighter. It's so uncomfortable. 

I've been waking up at 4am to take my first dose of the vaginal Estradiol pill, because I found I need to lay for a long time in order for it to all not leak out on me. It's b...

August 19, 2017

We decided to send our frozen embryos out for Pre-Implantation Genetic Screening (PGS) in order to improve our success rates. Boy, was I glad. I didn't know this when we decided to have this done, but I needed the time to recover. There was no way that I could have ever done a fresh IVF transfer anyways, because I was so so sick. (You can read more about that here.)  

We had 9 embryo samples to send to the lab. Ours happened to go through a genetic lab called CombiMatrix. We would have to wait a week or so before finding out the results. I felt super weird about this. If we were to get pregnant naturally, we wouldn't have this option, but I wanted to know. I was scared that they would all have something wrong. It was hard to wait for so long for the results. We just held on to the fact that we had 9 chances right now. 

I received a phone call from the billing department of Comb...

August 12, 2017

Throughout the chaos of my Egg Collection and my HORRENDOUS recovery, we found out how many future babies we had developing into embryos! This made the whole experience worth it. The recovery was awful, but the result was amazing.

First of all, I had no idea what to expect. I feel like I should have done more research on what exactly was happening. My first thought after the collection was "Holy shit, so I could have 28 babies?!" LOL! I was SO wrong. I was so doped up and sick I just couldn't think straight. It's funny to look back at that now!

I got a call from the Embryologist a few days after collection when I was feeling the WORST. She told me that we had a total of 9 BEAUTIFUL EMBRYOS ready to freeze!!!! I didn't realize that DUH, they wouldn't all fertilize. But then I thought, "Holy shit, so we could have 9 babies!?" So crazy! We were so glad that we had so many chances! 
 

I actually felt kind of mad...

August 5, 2017

Warning: My recovery was NOT pretty.

After the egg collection, I was woozy for a bit and I was ready to get home. I got dressed and the nurse wheeled me down to the car. I was told to drink TONS of Gatorade and to eat a lot of protein and salt. They said I shouldn't only drink water because I needed a lot of electrolytes. I thought that sounded so weird. First of all, I HATE GATORADE. I MEAN I HATE IT. I never ever ever ever want to even look at it ever again. I hated it before this whole ordeal, and I have a strong anger towards it after. 

I was starving after the collection, so we went and got chicken and french fries to bring home. 

My husband is the BEST. He had set up our guest bedroom for my recovery room. It was so calming with the twinkle lights up.  He brought me everything I could need within reaching distance. All charging cords, saltines, Gatorade grrrrr, my phone and my iPad. I ate my food...

July 29, 2017

I was SO READY to get these eggs out of me! I felt so full and uncomfortable, and it was getting hard to eat and even hard to breath normally. We got to the doctor's office, signed in and had a seat. I could barely stand sitting, and it seemed like the longest wait ever.  

We were finally called back to the room where we were greeted by the nurse who would be taking care of me. I got undressed and put my cool hairnet and gown on. My husband was awesome and had me laughing until it was time to get the IV in. They were having trouble finding a good vein.  It took them 4 tries! (This is normal for me...every single time I go in for blood work, it takes 2-5 times to get it done. I have no idea why.) Anyways, it was time to go back.

I HATE having to go under anesthesia. I HATE the tingly feeling I get before I'm knocked out, and I especially HATE the oxygen goofball mask they put on that smells awful....

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